i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
