Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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