I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
