I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
