Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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