I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We are all done wearing pants today
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
