I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
