Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
