do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
