I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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