I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
