when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
