I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
