What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
