I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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