I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
A+ Viking dick
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
