Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
