We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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