Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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