I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
