i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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