They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
