sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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