I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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