it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I want her autograph on my taint
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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