I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
