i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
