She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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