He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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