Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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