Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
