I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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