What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
