yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
