I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
