Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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