If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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