She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
