Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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