Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
