happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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