maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
