i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
