Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
