I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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