I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
