Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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