Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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