i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
