I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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