The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
