i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
