Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
