So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
