I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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