The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
