imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
