How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
