Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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