i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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