I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
