Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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