She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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