i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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