R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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