she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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