Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
