Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
