I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize