I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
