dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
