Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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