Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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