I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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