I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Boobs are out for the taking
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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