I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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