you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
