I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I believe in your delicious
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
