I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
