I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
