butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
