it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
