Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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