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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be

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• (631): View more from New York

  After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch

  (1-631): View more from New York

  that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Sounds like sex on a twister board.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.

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